A-
I think I’m being taken advantage of by the girl I have been with for the past 4 years. She’s been inconsistent with jobs so I front all of our bills and her spending money. I ask her if she is going to settle and find a job but she says that “she’s not sure what her passion is.” I feel more like an ATM or a sugar daddy; how do I tell her that I am starting to resent her?
– Being Stepped On

Stepped On –
4 years. 208 weeks. 1460 days. 35040 hours.
How do you begin to examine a relationship that’s been so long with what I imagine to be some highs, some lows, and everything in between? It’s been a journey that’s gotten you to this point and now you stand at a fork road – which way do you go?

One of the major foundations of a relationship is communication. You’ve got to talk to one another because even though we’re in 2019…people can’t read each other’s minds. It’ll be easier said than done since finances can be a sensitive topic. It’s a hard conversation to navigate because people will get defensive and end up arguing about who makes what, who is paying more, and etc. You’ve got to stay calm and collected while conveying how you’re feeling that she’s taken advantage of you.

You’ve got to somewhat set aside your feelings and think if this issue of providing and fronting the bills for your girlfriend discussed at any other given point? Brace yourself…a girl will be prepared with screenshots, photographic memory, and will recite that conversation to you. It’s not an exaggeration but be open to her feedback. Closing off to her before the talk is a big no-no!

“She’s not sure what her passion is…” can be made into a statement for a majority of the 25-35 general population. If you or your girlfriend think most people are working at a job that’s their passion, you’re wrong. A dose of harsh reality but it’s true…everyone has bills to pay and things to buy. Talk about what she finds interesting and find a happy medium…no job will be a walk in the park but it’s achievable to be content at a job. Talking it out might lead her in the direction of a job she might like or find much more suited for her passions.

Your partner should compliment your life. You’re there to pick up each other up when the times get tough and celebrate when the good times are rolling. Feeling like you’re being taken advantage of and not addressing it can fester and end up exploding when you least expect it.

Talk it out with your partner and see where it goes. It’s going to get tough before it gets easier. Trust that your relationship is strong enough to weather this or it might be time to do what’s best for you.

All the best,
A.