Alex –
I’ve been friends with this particular individual for as long as I can remember.
We’ve grown up together since childhood but it just feels like we’re really not friends anymore. It’s comments made by this friend that kinda give the indication that this person isn’t necessarily seeing me for who i am versus the past version of me. It’s like they get a kick out of putting me down or embarrassing me. I am not sure if this good friend has the best of intentions. What would you do in the situation?
Thnx,
Longtime Friend.

Longtime Friend –
Well, this one is certainly a bit hard to answer. A friendship in question is…always challenging regarding of the situation. You really have to weigh the good and bad in this because you may or may not walk away after a bit of self-reflection. Separate the current emotions to the overall emotions that this friendship has caused you. Most of all, you have to try to be the bigger person in the situation even if it’s the most frustrating thing ever.

What does this particular friend add to your life? Friends can offer so much or so little depending on the dynamic.  I think people have about four different types of friends (feel free to chime in the comment section!)

1. day-to-day – this friend is one you’re constantly in contact with, you know what’s currently going on in their lives,
and they might know a secret or two. this individual is reliable about 80% of the time just in case you have an
emergency or need an SOS.
2. pick-up – this friend is one you’re definitely not in contact with, you know what’s going on each other lives, and you know a deep,
dark secret or two. When you reunite, you pick up right where you left off like no time has gone by and have understanding that if you
need help, you can always be reached via text or phone.
3. Frenemy – this friend is a day-to-day but underneath that facade, you can see cracks of their true nature based on actions you’ve
seen them do towards others. It makes you a bit uneasy and are known for their backhanded compliments.
4. User – this friend can be a day-to-day or a pick-up but it’s hard to distinguish them from the other categories. They have a thin layer of genuine
care for you but ultimately, it’s all about them and whatever they need from you. They literally take your energy but don’t reciprocate.

Once you decide to somewhat categorize your friend, ask yourself – is this friendship really worth all this nonsense?
does this friendship add or take away value from your life? do you or do you not feel like this person should be your friend?

Tough questions, I know! Sometimes, we get so caught up in trying to save a friendship for all the wrong reasons. Well, let me back up a moment because they are not necessarily the wrong reasons but sometimes, we let the length of the friendship or the memories associated with that person dictate what we really know is to be the answer. We can justify the behavior by holding on to previous situations but we really need to look at it for what it is. Life is way too short to be surrounded by friends that aren’t really friend-material so communicate with your friend and see what happens next.

You have to do what’s best for you. A friend should be there through the good and bad but to also serve as a reality check when you get out of control. Constructive criticism is great but ultimately, there’s an understanding that people re-invent themselves into whoever the hell they wish to be and have a village that empowers them.

Good luck
-A.
***This post is based on a conversation I’ve had with someone who was having this issue.  Send an issue you need advice on by clicking here