A few knocks and door rings, the life of the Rose family is quickly taken away by the IRS. With a piercing shriek, we meet Moira (Catherine O’Hara), who in dramatic fashion claims that she’s been “stripped of every morsel of pleasure I earned in this life.” Imagine Kris Jenner losing the Kardashian fortune times 1000 and you’ve got the unhinged, overdramatic essence of Moira Rose.
Quickly followed up by a “son of a bitch” from Johnny Rose (Eugene Levy), the leader of the pack, who clues the viewer on the betrayal of their business manager that’s landed them in the wrath of the IRS.
As if! We meet the Cher Horowitz/Paris Hilton-wannabe in the form of Alexis Rose (Annie Murphy) clamoring to hold on to the last of her “It Girl” status. Last but not least, we meet artsy-fartsy connoisseur, David Rose (Daniel Levy), asking where all the riches are being taken away to.
The house is emptied and the Rose family finds out that a town bought by Johnny might be their saving grace but in reality, the purchase of the city was meant to be a joke for David’s birthday…..and our adventure begins with the Rose family.
The mayor of Schitt’s Creek, Roland (Chris Elliott), appears out of the woodworks and assists with getting them into their rooms. The Rose family has been dropped into their worst nightmare and find themselves trying to adjust with no immediate exit strategy.
We’re introduced to hotel clerk, Stevie, who serves a dose of sarcasm and reality-check to David while Roland is left taking over Moira and John until John is pushed to the limit.
While Alexis avoids telling the rest of the family that she has a possible escape opportunity, the family sits in the “sweet” Café Tropical and meet the resident, awkward waitress, Twyla (Sarah Levy). Alexis spills the beans and, as expected the family especially David has a big WTF expression – honestly, same. David should’ve just chained her to the booth.
As the Rose family returns, the family discovers the doors have been removed…by Roland. Cue the meltdown from Moira as she screams her way through the room while also attempting to find her precious diamonds.
John attempts to make amends with Roland for his little outburst while Roland is still clueless on his overbearing tendencies. Stevie checks in with Moira but ends up being accused of pawning the valuable items.
Stevie and David exchange a few words but we see the beginning of friendship between the sarcastic duo of the show. David finally gets a towel after asking “thrice” for one one. It’s about time!
Uh oh! Stavros has called it quits because he “already RSVPed to Diddy’s White Party.” Guess what that means for our favorite socialite? She’s staying in Schitt’s Creek for the foreseeable future.
A heartbroken Alexis runs down the list of the times they’ve broken up which range from when she received his ex wife’s engagement ring to him never meeting her in Rio. The mascara running down the face gives it “The Hills” treatment and here comes David with the advice of a lifetime…”never repeat this to anyone you respect.”
…and the first day in the middle of nowhere comes to an end for the Rose family.
“I’ve been stripped of every morsel of pleasure I earned this life.” – Moira
“I’m still trying to wrap my mind around what kind of a sick person wants to get paid to destroy another person’s life….DESTROY ANOTHER PERSON’S LIFE.” – David
“My very soul has been kidnapped, there’s no ransom, no one’s coming to save me.” – Moira
“Apparently in hell, there’s no bellman.” – Moira
“What kind of sociopath abandons her family in some vomit soaked dump, to gallivant around the world with her dumb shipping heir loser boyfriend she’s known for three months?” – David
“…he just told me he could potentially see himself considering saying “I love you” at some point sometime soon.” – Alexis
“you get murdered first for once.” – Alexis
“No, Alexis, Martha Stewart’s Hampton home is cute.” – Moira
“..and I am appalled that my baby girl has turned into a selfish, duplicitous whore.” – Moira
“Pick up a hammer and, nail this coffin shut.” – Moira
“Let’s all pray we don’t wake up.” – Moira