Drip drop drip…the droplets add real quick and we find Johnny Rose drenched in what can be described as sludge but that’s the least of his problems.
The usually well-dressed Johnny gives us a glimpse of this old Victorian bedtime gown or as David describes it “there’s whole Ebnezer Scrooge thing happening right now.” If Fashion Police was still on-air, they would mark this as “NOT” or could we call Tan France for some style advice?
Determined to fix the leak and sell the place, Johnny talks to Stevie about finding a plumber and a real estate agent. Shit’s about to get real though. As always, Stevie provides the dose of reality and shocks Johnny back to reality as she reveals there’s only one real estate agent in the city.
Ray, the real estate agent, meets the Roses at Cafe Tropical and informs them that they need to get sign off from the mayor before they can put the “for sale” sign. Sounds like the Rose family has a roadblock on their hands in the form of Roland Schitt. What a complex and awkward roadblock to have, right?!
We’re taken back to the hotel where the sarcastic duo of Stevie and David are discussing the cigarette smell of the sheets and a tailgate party. David passes but Alexis scorned by her ex is ready to mingle with “someone that hammers stuff…maybe a neck tattoo would be cute.” Geeze, this sounds like a matchmade waiting to happen!
An eager Johnny heads over to Roland’s house to obtain the signature for the sale of the house but of course, Roland wants to make this difficult. He invites the entire family over for dinner but Alexis passes because of the party while everyone is apprehensive of Roland’s dinner invite.
Jocelyn Schitt, the mayor’s wife, greets us with an “understated” home decor. It’s nothing compared to their mansion…it’s apples and oranges. We’re given more background information on David, a gallerist, who worked on a quite interesting exhibit on income inequality. Emphasis on the interesting part.
Alexis and Stevie arrive to the party with Alexis determined to find a guy to post a selfie with. Well, Roland gives us an etiquette lesson on what not to do during dinner while Johnny tries to get a signature for the sale.
David bolts the Schitts’ dinner and shows up to the tailgate party but Stevie coming in with the sharp tongue gives a hard time about coming. While Roland is still finishing his meal, he exclaims, “There it is…The Vivien Blake bitch face!” We’re introduced to Moira’s acting past as a lead on “Sunrise Bay.”
Roland will sign the contract if Moira slaps him as her “Sunrise Bay” character – and it is the slap heard around the world. You’ll definitely want to recreate the slap after this episode. I am ready for practice, anybody? Alexis gives up on her search for a guy while David prepares to do a beer bong.
Not a moment too soon, Alexis finds her man while David miserably fails at a beer bong. Come on, you can’t tell me there wasn’t any beer bongs in Brooklyn! Roland finally signs the contract but wishes Johnny the best of luck with selling the city since it was 20 years before it was purchased.
Moira and Johnny discuss the possibility of being stuck in Schitt’s Creek while giving an inspirational chat about the Roses being able to get through it. Before Johnny can finish, Alexis and David shush him to quiet down for another night in Schitt’s Creek.
“I am trying very hard not to connect with people right now” – David
“My best to Bob Cratchit” – David
“Mindless bickering is a luxury we cannot longer afford.” – Moira
“Ok I am gonna pass – I am not really in the mood to be a victim of a hate crime tonight.” – David
“Um, yes. Love that journey for me.” – Alexis
“I wish I could pull off the gloomy, no make-up look. It’s so french.” – Alexis
“I know those boys are undressing me every time I drop a piece of chalk. They’re boys! It’s cute.” – Jocelyn
“This has been a lot of fun but I ‘m starting to smell a little too much like campfire, denim, plaid, and stuff…so bye.” – Alexis
“There is no bright side. This is the dark side of the moon, Johnny. And, we’ll be here another 20 years, tucked in a crater. lost to all.” – Moira